Owen’s first birthday along with the start of 2010 has me thinking a lot about the last year … and how 2009 showed no mercy. I tried so so hard but most of my good intentions didn’t pan out the way I had hoped and I have felt so disappointed in myself. Of course there were many wonderful things about 2009: big adventures, small miracles, answers to prayers, friends and family who chose to love me despite my short comings. But gosh darn it, I’m having a hard time focusing on the good things. Not that I’m particularly focused on the bad though either. Mostly I’m focused on the fact that 2009 has left me feeling chewed up and spit out and I can’t quite feel anything anymore. And that has me worried.
So how did I come to this place? And how do I find my way out?
Our holiday was relatively quiet and the change of pace was wonderful. I thought I would be ecstatic to send the kids back to school today, but I wasn’t ready to return to the regularly scheduled programming. So instead of diving into my to do list – as I would normally while the monkeys are in school – I spent a peaceful morning with my sweet baby boy. We made a mess, cooed and laughed at each other, read books, made animal sounds, looked at our reflections in the mirror and pointed and waved to ourselves. And when he was finally ready to rest, he fell asleep in my arms and I was able to lay him on my bed and photograph to my hearts content. What a gift those few quiet hours were.
My hope for 2010 is that it is a year of less. Less pressure, fewer expectations, and a to do list with only the bare essentials. Because I think at this stage in my life, less is most definitely more.
Here’s to hoping your 2010 lives up to your heart’s desire … whatever that desire may be.
xoxo,
Rebecca
by Rebecca
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