From One Menopausal Woman to Another
My super casual yet surprisingly effective method for setting New Years resolutions.
First things first - did you survive the holidays?
I’m happy to report that I cruised through thanks to some seriously amazing helpers and a few McDonalds runs for a Diet Coke pick-me-up. However …
The day before our houseguests arrived I was suuuuuuper emotional and I couldn’t figure out why. I was on the verge of tears or actually crying THE ENTIRE DAY. It was so ridiculous I laughed with my husband about it and then cried because, of course.
And then I woke up the next day and my period had started, which is a very rare occurrence for me since I have an IUD. Clearly the perimenopausal hormone roller coaster had been taking me for a wild ride. Sigh. Hormones. I can’t even.
Also, can we stop for a moment and appreciate this amazing gift my sister gave me from the famous New York City bookstore, The Strand?
She picked it up off their “Blind Date With a Book” table and we were so excited to see what book they had wrapped in this ridiculous paper. And oh my goodness, the title (and cover art, and description on the back cover) did not disappoint. I’ve never wanted to read horror and yet I can’t wait to dive in!
Alright, can we talk about New Years resolutions? I feel like I’ve landed on a very casual, low pressure, surprisingly effective way to handle annual goal setting that feels particularly appropriate for midlife.
A few important details to get out of the way first:
First, I don’t set goals if I don’t want to. Most years I enjoy the process but some years I just can’t go there. So that’s my first tip: if you don’t want to, don’t. I can’t think of a better time to say, “Good for you, not for me” than midlife.
Second, I no longer set goals with the hope of completely transforming something I don’t like about myself. I just can’t be bothered anymore, which I consider a huge perk of becoming older and wiser.
With that out of the way, here’s the goal setting practice that’s been working really well the past few years.
I take as much time as I want (sometimes days, sometimes weeks) to mull over a few questions and write my responses in a google doc. This year, I used Suleika Jaolaud’s questions to guide my goal setting:
What from the last year are you proud of?
What did this year leave you yearning for?
What’s causing you anxiety?
What resources, skills, and practices can you rely on in the coming year?
What are your wildest, most harebrained ideas and dreams?
When I feel like my written responses are complete, I use them to guide my goals for the coming year which I also write in the google doc.
And then - and this is where the magic happens - I cut and paste my goals into the notes section of a recurring event I put on my calendar.
Once a month, I see that calendar event and take a few minutes to re-read the goals I set. And if I have the capacity, I jot a few things on my to-do list related to one or several of my goals. And if not, that reminder will be on my calendar again the next month.
Why is this so magical?
Because most years I’ve completely forgotten about my New Year's resolutions by the time February rolls around. Having that monthly reminder - which takes about 30 seconds to set up - has been a total game changer.
But also, this process allows me to let my focus ebb and flow depending on what’s going on that month. Rather than trying to focus on all my goals all the time (something I’ve consistently failed at in the past), I can focus on one or two during the months that make the most sense. Or let them all go until I have the capacity and desire to start chipping away at them again.
Did I accomplish all my goals last year? Nope. But the things I did accomplish felt shockingly effortless rather than effortful, and that feels a little miraculous. And in this wild and crazy stage of life, I’ll take all the wins I can get.
Sending you lots of love as you navigate this fresh new year.
xo, Rebecca
I love your writing style! I went up and down and around the perimenopause roller coaster. Hold on tight. Menopause is not fun (hello, you d--- weight gain!), but at least you'll have a better idea of what to expect.
My resolution last year was to let all drivers go ahead of me, especially in parking lots. I can tell you with a good degree of certainty, based on experience, that the worst parking lot in Columbus is the fancy healthy store near our houses. I take lots of deep breaths there!