Like It Or Not, Your Body is Changing
How body confidence issues can impact desire and what to do about it.
Bodies change as they age, and the menopause transition accelerates that process for many of us.
So what do we do when those changes impact our desire for intimacy?
It’s a real issue, so let’s get into it!
But first, a quick recap from the past few newsletters: Low libido is a common complaint during the menopause transition and is a biopsychosocial condition. This means there are biological, psychological and social factors involved.
Most doctors don’t have adequate training in female sexuality and therefore aren’t generally a great resource (three cheers for awesome doctors who are stepping up to the plate). But also, medication to increase desire isn’t going to be helpful if you’re too exhausted to think about sex, resent your partner, can’t stand to be touched because you’re uncomfortable in your body, or the sex is painful. Thankully, there are resources to help which is exactly why I’ve sent this newsletter series!
Alright, back to body confidence.
A few ideas you might find helpful as you work to make peace with your changing body:
Recognize that your capacity to experience pleasure hasn’t changed. Sexual satisfaction isn’t limited to people with “perfect” bodies. Never has been, never will be. Your body may have changed, but its capacity to feel pleasure is the same.
Practice gratitude for your body. You may have big feelings about how your body has changed, but your body still allows you to live an amazing life in ways that have nothing to do with how your body looks. So start a list of all the wonderful things your body allows you to experience and add to it often.
Find a mantra you love and put it to work. Rewiring your brain takes time and practice, which means you’ll likely need to redirect negative thoughts about your body over and over and over again. Finding a go-to mantra that resonates can be a powerful way to redirect how you’re thinking about your body so you can change how you feel about it.
Take care of your body in loving ways. Eat foods that leave you feeling satisfied and give you the energy you need to do the things you love. Move in ways that bring joy and feel empowering. Work on improving your sleep and managing stress. Because it’s hard to maintain a negative relationship with your body when you’re caring for it in beautiful ways.
Think about your future self. Your 80-year-old self is going to look back at your 50-year-old self and wish you had fully appreciated how strong, capable and beautiful your body was at this age. What advice might she have for you as you navigate midlife changes to your body?
Go to therapy. Because sometimes we need to sort through this kind of stuff with an expert.
The good news is that learning to live fully in your changing body is a skill that will be put to good use throughout the coming years and decades. May as well hone those skills now, right?
Alright my loves. That wraps up our 4-part series on low libido! I hope you’ve found the information as helpful and informative as I have. Sending you all so much love as you navigate the complexities of midlife!
xo, Rebecca
P.S. Low libido installments one, two & three if you’re interested.
P.P.S. Anyone need a good laugh?