Not Feeling Like Yourself? (Yeah, me too.)

Here's what you can do to get your mojo back.

Last week, I wrote about the very common phenomenon of “not feeling like myself” (NFLM) during the menopause transition.

According to research done over at Women Living Better and published last year in the journal Menopause, NFLM is associated with fatigue, overwhelm/less ability to cope, low feelings, anxiety, irritability, a harder time making decisions, forgetfulness, tearfulness/crying and worrying more.

(You can read my post about it here, or read the journal article here.)

The research is suuuuuper validating. It’s nice to have a label for a set of symptoms many of us have experienced and also to know that most women will experience NFLM at some point during perimenopause (because, you know, misery loves company and all that).

But now what? Like, how do we fix it?

Unfortunately, as far as I know the “make it go away” part hasn’t been studied yet which means we can’t definitively say what helps and what doesn’t. So trial and error it is.

Which reminds me of a brilliant comment a Hot & Bothered reader recently made. She wrote, “Being a woman is like being your own science project.” Isn’t that the truth? Sigh.

Here’s where I would start:

Make an honest assessment of how you’re doing with sleep, exercise, nutrition, and stress management. These are called the foundational pillars of health for good reason, and making improvements in these areas really can help.

Sleep seems to be the easiest for me to troubleshoot since I’m typically exhausted when experiencing bouts of NFLM and am highly motivated to get to bed early. It’s also one of those things where small tweaks can make a big difference but don’t actually require a lot of effort, which is important during times of low energy and overwhelm.

A few things you might try:

• Finish eating for the day at least 2 hours before bedtime

• Keep a consistent sleep/wake schedule

• Block out light and noise with a sleep mask and ear plugs

• Take magnesium before bed to help calm your nervous system

• Protect your peace of mind before bed by avoiding things that will get you riled up right before trying to fall asleep (i.e. doom scrolling, checking email or news sites, etc.)

• Try a weighted blanket

• Create a wind down routine. Some ideas include: taking a bath or shower, stretching, doing a sleep meditation (check YouTube for free options), reading, journaling, etc.

• Remember that resting can still be restorative (something I have to remind myself in the middle of the night when I wake up and struggle to fall back asleep)

Exercise, nutrition and stress management can feel harder to address since times of NFLM aren’t exactly ideal conditions for creating new healthy habits. And so I recommend doing what you can with the energy you have. “Some is better than none” can be a powerful mantra during bouts of NFLM, especially when you remember that “some” can literally be the teeniest, tiniest amount.

For me, that looks like grabbing a handful of baby carrots when I don’t have the energy to make nourishing, fiber-rich meals but know I’ll feel better if I’m eating at least some vegetables along with whatever convenience food I’m having for lunch or dinner.

It also might look like opting for a walk or some restorative yoga instead of a run or a strength training session when my body is exhausted. And then choosing to feel 100% fine about the swap rather than feel like it’s a setback, which only makes me feel worse.

Beyond the foundational pillars of health, I find that activities that create connection, help generate happy chemicals in my brain, and help to regulate my nervous system all generally feel good during periods of NFLM. Lately that has looked like time with friends who are in the thick of perimenopause with me, re-reading my favorite books and spending as much time outdoors as possible.

And then, of course, you may also want to consider medication. I know women who have felt like themselves again after starting birth control (which can provide hormone therapy as well as make wonky cycles predictable again), going on menopause hormone therapy, or starting an antidepressant. Obviously, this is a conversation you’ll want to have with a qualified menopause expert.

So those are some ideas to get you started, with whatever capacity you have.

Is there anything you’d like to add? If so, let me know in the comments - I’d love to know what things help you feel better when you’re not feeling like yourself.

xo, Rebecca

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